


Death Affects Us All

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-08
Updated: 2006-01-08
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12404940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Three out of Four. Sirius who had been decieved and was now locked in Azkaban. Remus the abandoned, believing his two best friends to be dead. Peter the guilty, who had been the cause. And Then there was Petunia, the only muggle to hear of the death of Lily Evans Potter.  orrigionally Someday I'll Make Everything Alright





	1. Lucky Man

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_"Lucky Man"_  
  
MMMMMmmmmMMMMMmmm....  
  
Well it took so long for me to realize  
That my destiny was right before my eyes  
If it were up to me to travel through this life  
I'd find an open space for me to live out all my dreams  
  
I'm such a lucky man, I try to be a stronger man  
I shed a tear or two but that don't make me a weaker man  
It's made me a better man, I've given all I can  
To a world that sometimes thinks that I'm a lesser man  
  
I remember all the things I've been through  
Gave myself to all those people I once knew  
I'm such a lucky man  
  
I'd like to thank you for the times that you have been with me  
I hope it meant as much to you to share these memories  
There's a guiding light that always seems to shine on me  
If I did it again I'd be happy 'til the end  
  
I'm a lucky man, I try to be a stronger man  
I shed a tear or two but that don't make me a weaker man  
It's made me a better man, I've given all I can  
To a world that sometimes thinks that I'm a lesser man  
  
I remember all the things I've been through  
Gave myself to all those people I once knew  
I'm such a lucky man  
  
It's right here in the moonlight...  
  
Whooooooooohhhoooooohhhh  
I'm a lucky man, I try to be a stronger man  
I shed a tear or two but that don't make me a weaker man  
It's made me a better man, I've given all I can  
To a world that sometimes thinks that I'm a lesser man  
I'm a lucky man  
Yeah  
  
-Lynyrd Skynyrd  


  
Sirius sat looking past the faces scowling down at him. He couldn’t make out their unimportant faces; he couldn’t hear their melancholy voices. There were only two faces in his mind. Two happy sunny kind loving faces that would never be seen smiling again on this earth, and next to those two faces was one more face. It was a laughing cruel contorted face, pointing at him and screaming betrayal through cold closed lips. His eyes were pleading for someone to hear him out, to believe him. He hadn’t killed them he couldn’t have killed them. He loved them, just like he had loved her. Sirius put his head in his hands and wept for them all. The small face of his god child who was god knows where, the caring loving face of the girl who had been like a sister to him, the one girl who he had ever thought he might of loved, and the face of the one man he had ever called a brother, who he had ever considered family. These two people were dead, and all of the faces glaring at him from around the room where blaming him for it. He could see it in their eyes, they were screaming monster, wretch, bastard. Bastard. He was a bastard. He was the bastard son of a damned family. A cursed family, and the one thing he had wished his whole life was to somehow rise above them, to save his condemned soul.

Sirius stood up and allowed them to lead him out of the courtroom and down a long door, and into a train. They snapped his wand, and he stood there to numb to react. What were they doing to him? He was innocent? He didn’t do anything. What was going on? He fell down against the door and stared out at the wall in front of him, ignoring the shackle on his leg. There was nothing more for him to do but think. All he could do was sit there and think. And sleep. Only in his sleep could he find peace. So he fell into a deep sleep, in which visions and memories plagued him, promises he had made to James.

_James ran his hand through his hair, he was restless, but then Sirius couldn’t blame him. He had been stuck in the same small little house for the past six months. Lily and Harry had forced him into it, though not directly. James had gone into hiding after the realization of what would happen to him if he ventured outward hit him. Of what would happen to Lily and Harry, he couldn’t risk leaving Lily a widow, or Harry fatherless. Not if he could protect them, which was what he was determined to do._

“Sirius.”�

“Yes James?”�

“Promise me.”�

James’ voice shook and his hands were clenched tightly as he stood before Sirius looking straight at him. There was a seriousness in his voice, a dooming fatal type of sound to his words, as if they would be his last.

“Promise me, that if I die, you’ll take care of them for me. Promise me Sirius.”�

Sirius eyes grew big as James’ spoke. James die? It wasn’t possible. He’d never let it happen. James’ couldn’t die. He was just saying that because he was sick of being stuck inside so long.

“I promise James.”�

James smiled at Sirius and ran his hand through his hair once more, before they heard a loud cry break through the awkward silence. It was Harry. James smiled and shook his head before motioning for Sirius to follow him into the nursery. James was on diaper duty today because Lily had the flu and was sleeping for the first time in over a week.

Sirius woke up and held back any his tears. He smiled to himself as he remembered that week like it was yesterday. He was a lucky man to have known Lily and James Potter.

A ghostly black creature walked on board the train as it came to a stop and Sirius screamed, as pain and misery seemed to flood through him. He passed out and visions of pain and suffering filled his head. He saw Peter’s eyes and disgusting smile in his mind, and he was forced back into a memory that he wanted to forget more than anything.

_“PETER! PETER! He found out about me! I have to run! I have to go into hiding. Watch over them! Here’s the location, tell no one! Peter! I have to go, tell Lily and James I loved them. Kiss Harry for me. Please! Hurry, run. Give them this it will explain everything. I have to go, before he gets here. Before he kills you too! GO Peter Go!”�_

Sirius jumped on his motorcycle and flew off, before he could see the demonic smile on Peter’s lips, and was gone before he could hear the disgusting laughter that filled the air as it came tumbling from Peter's chapped lips. It wasn’t till four days later that he realized he’d signed Lily and James’ death threats.

Sirius woke up and gasped. His breathing was sharp and ragged, as if he had run ten miles in an hour. He was cold so cold, and he had barely enough energy to pull himself up enough to look out the barred window, it was a full moon. Just like the night he told Peter, the night they were as good as dead. The answers were right there in the moonlight.

Sirius banged his fists against the stone floor of his cell. He refused to cry anymore. For his godchild, Harry, for Remus, for Lily and most of all for James. He couldn't cry. James would want him to be strong. James would want him to find a way to fix all the harm he had done. But James wasn't here.

“WHY GOD? WHY THEM? THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE! WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS? WHAT DID I DO?”�

He stood up and banged his fist on the walls and cried, tears streaking his face, cleaning off some of the dirt that was covering his once good looking face. He laughed a little for a moment; he had become just what the rest of his family had. What all Blacks seemed to end up being. Criminals. His destiny had been right before his eyes the whole time. It had been in his blood; apparently his heritage was one thing he couldn’t escape. He was laughing like a madman, but whoever was listening to him could laugh all they wanted. He wasn’t any less of a man for caring about someone. He promised himself as he stood there that he’d get out. He’d get revenge. He’d find a way to watch over Harry. He wouldn’t let James down. He’d become a better man. He’d make James proud if it were the last thing he’d do. He’d make James glad that he left his son in Sirius’s care. He’d made everyone realize that Sirius Black is not like the rest of his family. That he was different.

“I am different,”� he whispered to himself. Now all he had to do was prove it.  



	2. Whiskey can only heal so much

Remus looked around the bar he had found himself in. He wasn’t sure why he was here anymore. He couldn’t remember coming here. All he knew right now was that he needed another drink to quench the burning thirst in his throat. He raised his hand unsteadily and tried to wave over the bartender. His other hand was trying to steady himself and keep him from toppling off the barstool. 

The bartender walked over and looked down at the pile of bottles in front of this young man. This man had had such a large quantity of whiskey that the bartender was surprised he hadn’t passed out yet. “I think you’ve had enough son.”� He said to the man and raised his eyebrow as he grabbed four empty bottles to go throw away. The man didn’t seem to hear him; he just pointed to the empty bottles and made a slurping sound indicating that he wanted another drink. The bartender just shook his head and walked away.

Remus looked around him, the whole room was spinning, and he couldn’t open his mouth because of the burning thirst for more drink. He needed to get drunk, to pass out, he wasn’t sure why, but it was something terrible. Something on the edge of his subconscious, something only alcohol could block out. He looked behind him and saw a young couple. They seemed to stick out in the small pub. The man was short and had light blond hair, but it was the girl with him who drew his attention. She had dark red hair, like Lily’s hair. Like his beautiful Lily Flower’s hair. Lily. That was it. Remus gasped as he stumbled off his bar stool and ran unsteadily to the door. He threw it open when he got there and walked out into the wet dismal London streets. It was raining but that didn’t bother Remus at all. He was to drunk, to depressed to care. 

Lily. 

“Not my Lily Flower.”� He cried out, and shook his fists in the air. People passing by looked at him with fear and amusement but he just ignored them and fell down on his knees in front of the bar entrance. “Why?”� He crooked out, his voice cracking as he said that simple word. She had been everything to him, his best friend, she was like his sister. He remembered seeing her the first day of Hogwarts. 

_Remus looked around at the other first years that were going to be sorted with him in a few minutes. He had already met a boy named James Potter, and his friend Sirius Black, but he was curious to who else he would be spending time with at Hogwarts. That’s when he noticed a short little girl at the back of the group talking to a smaller blond haired boy who had an almost mouse like appearance. He just stared at her for a minute, thinking he was seeing things. She was so beautiful. Like an angel, a guardian angel. Something he desperately needed._

_He walked over to her and smiled politely and stuck out his hand._

_“Hello there, my name’s Remus Lupin. What’s yours?”� She just smiled at him and blushed a little before grabbing his hand. He was slightly stunned by the brilliant green of her eyes, she was even prettier up close._

_“My names Lily, Lily Evans. Nice to meet you Remus.”� She looked over at the smallish boy standing next to her and smiled at him. “And this is my new friend Peter.”� Remus smiled at Peter and shook his hand as well._  
Remus smiled despite himself that had been the start of a beautiful friendship, and so much more. He had trusted Lily with everything, and she had been so kind and understanding, and then she had been the best of friends to him. He still remembered the day she found out she was pregnant. She had been so scared, so sweet, and innocent. 

“Remus! Remus, can you open the door? Please let me in! I need to talk to you.”� Remus hurried to the door and opened it, only to catch Lily as she came tumbling in. He was worried, but not surprised, this was not the first night Lily had shown up on his door. Or had needed his help at ungodly hours. 

“What is it, love?”� He asked her as she stood back up. There were tear streaks running down her face and her hair was messy and unkempt. He smiled to himself as he looked down at her flannel pajamas. Whatever she was hear for it, it had obviously been important enough to her to keep her from changing into new clothes. Lily just hugged him and whispered what was wrong into his chest. He strained his hearing as much as he could trying to make sense of what she was saying but he couldn’t hear her. “Love, you’re going to have to speak up if you want me to help you.”� Lily looked up at him, and his heart seemed to skip a beat as he looked into her wonderful clouded green eyes.

“I’m.. I’m pregnant, Remus.”� Remus looked down there confusion written all over his face. Why was she worried? Lily Evans…No Lily Potter, would easily make the best mother on the earth. She was just so loving, so kind, and so patient, with everyone. Even a werewolf. Even him. 

“Well I don’t see a problem love.”� Lily hiccupped and rubbed her eyes on her sleeve.

“I’m just so scared. I know this must seem childish. Though, I just can’t help it. I’m worried, worried about what James will say when I tell him. Worried about what’s going to happen to this baby. I don’t want my child to become an orphan. I’m just so scared these days. Every day seems to grow longer and harder, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lost, Remus.”� Remus smiled down at her and held her close. He kissed the top of her head tenderly and she wrapped her arms around him as they stood there.

“Shhhh, Lily. Don’t worry everything will be all right. James will love the idea of having a baby, and your baby will never be an orphan, love. Never. I promise you that. Don’t worry, Lily, the days will get brighter again, the sun will shine through the clouds one of these days. Your son or daughter will grow strong and happy, and you’ll grow old Lily. When we win this war, you’ll grow old and happy, and I’ll be right there with you Lily. So will James, and Sirius and Peter, we all love you Lily, and we’ll never let anything happen to you Lily. Never.”� 

Remus cringed as he thought about all of the promises he had made her that night, and now he had gone and broken them all. Harry was an orphan. Lily and James were dead. Sirius had betrayed them, and killed Peter. He was the only real marauder left and he didn’t know what to do about it. He just didn’t know what to do next. He didn’t even know if Harry was alive anymore. He wasn’t sure if he even cared. 

Remus stood back up and swayed before walking, heading in a random direction hoping it would take him to a happier place. He looked up at the sky and noticed the moon. He shivered. He couldn’t help it, but he hated the moon. It was his curse, though now he was beginning to wonder if it wasn’t a gift in times like this. Tomorrow would be a full moon, and then he could forget about everything for one night. One sacred holy night, when he lost his mind, and pain would flow through his body. He used to have fun on these nights, but now they were just a temporary new reality. And that was all he needed right now, something to get his mind off of them, something to help him forget about the wounds in his heart that would never heal. 

_Goodbye Lily Flower, but not farewell. I’ll find a way to make it up to you. I promise you this.”�_


	3. The Cold Is Creeping In

Peter looked down at his hands as they shook in his lap. He was cold, so cold. He could see the breath rising in front of him. He could feel his veins freezing over. The feeling of ultimate despair clung to him as he looked up at the open window across the room from the cot he was sitting on. It was open and the rain was falling into the room. 

“What have I done?”� He asked himself softly his voice shallow and raspy. There were tears running down his face even though he couldn’t remember crying. 

“He deserved it, you weakling.”� Peter said to himself his voice wavering.

“He and that girl, they both deserved it. The Dark Lord-“ He laughed bitterly. “They shouldn’t have gone against him. This would’ve never happened if they had just-“ 

Peter broke down and placed his head in his hands sobbing. He’d done it. He had killed James Potter and Lily Evans. He had betrayed their trust. He’d sent them to their graves. 

“For him. I did it for him.”� Peter said shaking his head as he stood up his body aching from lack of sleep. He hadn’t been able to sleep since the night he’d ratted them out to Voldemort. He walked towards the window and pulled it shut to keep out the rain that was coming in through the window and to try and block out some of the cold that was filling him, taking over. 

“And now he’s gone.”� Peter said to himself. He was going insane. It was like his mind, his soul was being torn in two. He’d been so certain that he had been doing the right thing, serving his master, being loyal to the side that would win. 

“The side that lost.”� He shook his head and thought back to his days at Hogwarts, the promises, the betrayals he’d been forced to deal with.

_“Is it true?”� Peter asked as he looked up at Bethany Johnson his first girlfriend in 5th year. He slammed his fist against the wall. “Is it bloody true?”�_

_Bethany just looked at him sadly._

_“I’m sorry, Peter.”� Peter just scowled and turned away from her to face the wall. She’d used him for James. She just wanted to get closer to his friends. She hadn’t liked him at all. She just wanted to have a chance to go out with James that she had decided to pity date one of his best friends. She just wanted perfect James; stupid perfect James._

 

“Stupid perfect James.”� Peter said bitterly shaking his head. He had always been the tagalong. Oh, he knew what everyone thought of him. They saw him as James stupid friend, his admirer his fan. To them he had just been a stepping stone towards James, Remus, and Sirius; the golden trio. 

He was the one that didn’t belong. He was the one that messed with their perfect image. James deserved to die for making Peter’s life miserable for the teasing and taunting he was forced to endure. 

“He deserved it. Damn it!”� Peter yelled pacing away from the window towards the center of the room. He looked over and saw the portraits’ of deceased family members staring at him and he scowled. 

“What are you looking at?”� He snapped at them. They rolled their eyes at him, like James used to roll his eyes at him. Why didn’t anyone ever take him seriously, look at what he could do! Look at what he did. 

“STOP IT!”� He yelled at them his body shaking. Why didn’t he get the respect he deserved? How come he had never gotten the respect he deserved? He sold out James Potter. He was responsible for the death of the Potters two of the strongest wizards of this age. Why did no one care? Why didn’t he ever get the respect he deserved? That was owed to him?

_“I want to be an Auror.”� Peter told Sirius and James as he sat down across from them on his bed. They looked at each other then back at him and laughed._

_“Wormtail, you’d get killed the first time you stepped out your door.”� Sirius said shaking his head amused._

_“I’ve almost got the same grades as you guys!”� Peter cried out indignantly. James and Sirius just rolled their eyes._

_“That’s because we haven’t had any exams yet. We’re only in third year, Peter. Besides we all know Remus helps you with your homework.”� James said smirking a bit. He ruffled his hair with his left hand as he stretched and stood up._

_“If I were you I’d pick a different dream, Peter.”� Sirius said as he also got up, and the two of them walked out of the room._

_“But I don’t want another dream…”� Peter said to himself. The small boy bowed his head and allowed a single tear to fall out of his eyes, before he wiped it away with the back of his hand and pulled out a Potions book. He didn’t want to admit it, but it hurt that they had no faith in him. They were his best friends and they thought he was stupid. No matter, Peter told himself, I have an essay to finish._

All of his dreams; all of them had been crushed by _them_. Peter thought to himself trying to bring comfort to him. He couldn’t though. As much as he wanted too, as cold as his limbs were despite the fire in the hearth. He couldn’t feel like he had betrayed them. That he had done something wrong. 

“It’s not fair.”� He said shaking his head before pulling his knees in and hugging them with his arms. “It’s not fair.”� He whimpered into his legs. He wasn’t even 20 yet here he was a murderer. The thing he used to want to kill. He’d become what he had once hated most, and now he couldn’t think of anything to do about it. He was a dead man. He no longer existed in the real world. He was a rat.


End file.
